My Truest Self
The Journey to Atma Adventures.
How can we live in such a way that our everyday life reflects our most authentic self? How do I experience real joy no matter the circumstances? Those were my questions twelve years ago and I’ve built Atma Adventures around the idea.
In an age where “self-care” is that latest trend and there is a self-help book coming out every day, I wanted to go deeper because it’s not just about feeling good for a moment and then returning to the same habits. It’s about peeling back the layers and realizing who we are at the center. And that takes time. It takes time to evolve from learned behavior and patterns. We walk around in so many roles and we have multiple skill sets. We often identify with them as “I am…a mother, lawyer, teacher, daughter.” But I’m talking about who we are beyond those identifications. It’s common, and even praised in our culture to believe that chaos and “doing” are signs of success and fulfillment. It is believed there is little time for conscious connections and intentional reflection. We as women, dig in, work hard and pray that it pays off in the end.
Some time ago, I found myself at the crossroads most women come to, where we realize we have been so busy caring for others, stressed out over everything we are supposed to be doing at this stage in life, and searching for happiness. We get caught up in life and in so many things that don’t matter and forget —our true selves. We forget to take care of our mind, body and spirit because there’s just no time for it. And now, after twelve years of a quest to uncover the mysteries of living a truly joyful loving life, I know that being present, letting go of habits that no longer serve us, meditation (even simple breathwork), and living with more self-awareness (of your mind, body and spiritual needs) create a more balanced, peaceful and joyful life.
Few know that the seed of Atma Adventures was planted more than twelve years ago in a remote part of Mexico. I spent the entire time caring for my sick 9-month old child, and in that solitude I sat thinking that by the time I reached 40—I was 38 at the time—I wanted to figure “it” out. Meaning how to be happy no matter the circumstances. I wasn’t depressed. I just wanted to let things go that bothered me, to stop the negative thoughts, to not be so hard on myself. To be me. Authentically. To own the things I wasn’t so good at (and not feel bad about it) and acknowledge all the things I am good at and love. To love all of me. Finally.
I arrived home and found my way to a copy of “A New Earth,” by Eckhart Tolle. That reading started years of self-study, self-reflection and yoga. I traveled extensively learning from different teachers but I was ready for a deeper experience and something transformational, and in 2010, I met a master teacher in Boulder, Colorado. He was the key to meeting my truest self. His name is Anand Mehrotra. They say, when you are ready, your teacher finds you.
Anand asked me, “What kind of experience of life do you want to have? It’s up to you. No one else.” I stopped looking at my circumstances and looked within.
When asked why his yoga and teachings registered with me, it’s easy to ruminate on the beauty of the Sattva yoga journeys, the wisdom that encompasses so much and my internal transformation. The work, the practice—this conscious intention to learn about the ego, the emotional triggers and habitual patterns of thought is challenging and requires diligence. But I knew it was necessary to sit with that vulnerability and discomfort. It is the path to a more authentic joyful life. To finally address those questions like: Why do I get so upset when….? Why do I always feel the need to…? Why can’t I ask for …? Why do I always feel disappointed? How can I change….? What I know: there is a way, a path to answer these questions with compassion, without judgment. Circumstances arise and patterns get triggered internally that result in anger, depression, negative thoughts, or mindless behavior like retail therapy. But there is a moment many people have when then authentically decide to face these patterns, their reactions, their obstacles to true joy.
At that moment life changes. We realize they are just thoughts, just habits. That’s it. We pause, recognize them for what they are, understand them and smile. It can be uncomfortable at first but it is absolutely the way to really living. Feeing alive. Experiencing peace and joy and confidence. You totally become a badass and have so much love in your heart. You come to realize there is nothing “wrong”. It is just a matter of perception and expectation. That is the “a-ha” moment. Seriously. The moments that brought so much angst you now laugh at them because you have a new realization about life and about yourself. So over time, I wanted to share what I had learned. I didn’t know in what way. Anand had told me, “If you just live with presence, with awareness, if you live from a place of higher consciousness, that’s enough. If you just do just that you’ve done something with your life.” So I didn’t focus on doing more and continued my studies. I made a point to travel to India each year to continue my practice. And it was a challenge being in India away from my boys with theintense studying, being in silence and in that environment and then switching gears when I came home. Home to the daily responsibilities, to a life that looked very different. How do I integrate these two worlds? Integrate my daily responsibilities and roles while living more consciously? How do I weave the ancient wisdom into my life because it’s not about living in a cave. It’s about living joyfully even if there is family drama and work stress and traffic jams. It’s all about perspective and expectations.
So it took time for me to arrive at this point. It was always about my personal transformation and deciding to create Atma Adventures was this huge leap. So I am outside my comfort zone every day but all great things come from that and I love supporting women on their journeys,
I feel that now I am living as my truest self. There will always be those challenging moments that come up, but I smile at them now. I pause, I know exactly where they come from and I can truly say that I live joyfully, with gratitude and love. Make this journey an adventure!
With love and grace,
Carie